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Emotional self-control. EN

Carmen López

Psicóloga. Master en Recursos Humanos.



Para buscar talento no hay que leer currículos uno tras otro, sino seguir el rastro que deja: Un trabajo excelente. Porque lo importante no es lo que aprendes, o las empresas en las que trabajas. Lo importante es lo que haces. 

Para realizar un trabajo de forma excepcional hacen falta cinco cosas: Energía, enfoque, tiempo, creatividad y un compromiso absoluto con la calidad. 

Detrás de estos cinco pilares solo hay una cosa: la motivación. La motivación es lo que diferencia al campeón mundial del segundo clasificado. La motivación hace correr a un corredor de maratón hacia la meta cuando ya no tiene fuerzas, a un escalador alcanzar una cumbre imposible, a un creador luchar consigo mismo hasta que su obra está perfecta. Con motivación sacas tiempo de donde no hay, mantiene tu nivel de energía y concentración al máximo, ves las cosas de forma diferente. Con motivación eres capaz de tirar un trabajo casi perfecto a la papelera y empezar de cero hasta que sea excelente. 

La motivación se genera por la necesidad. Está claro: si alquilen tiene hambre, no hay duda de que pondrá todos sus recursos mentales, físicos, financieros y su tiempo en satisfacer esa necesidad. La necesidad es el motivo, la necesidad dispara la motivación. Esto no es nuevo. En los años 30 del pasado siglo, Abraham Maslow propuso una teoría sobre las necesidades humanas. Según ella, la gente que moviliza sus recursos lo hace por causa de una necesidad: comer, sexo, dinero, pertenencia a un grupo, reconocimiento o autorealización… 

Pero para encontrar la fuente del talento aún tenemos que buscar más allá de la necesidad. No hay duda de que las necesidades físicas anulan al resto: El hambre, la sed, evitar el dolor… pero en el ámbito que nos movemos, en economías desarrolladas, estas necesidades suelen estar cubiertas. La mayoría de las personas están motivadas por las llamadas necesidades superiores, las que nos distinguen del resto del reino animal: Dinero, aceptación o pertenencia a un grupo, reconocimiento o autorealización. Y como muy bien saben los expertos en marketing y los buenos vendedores, las necesidades se pueden crear, cambiar o matizar. Solo hace falta controlar una cosa: Las convicciones. Si alguien está realmente convencido de algo se convierte en imparable.


Las convicciones son el origen de todo lo demás.


​We all have the ability to activate our emotional self-control. It can be innate or acquired - but its goal is to ensure that our emotions do not overwhelm us.

Lack of emotional self-control is often associated with aggressive people or dominant personalities. But in reality, we all lose control at some point. And this means that we do not achieve our goals and sabotage ourselves. The most important thing is to learn how to recognize these strong emotions and use the right techniques to control them.  For example, lack of emotional self-control are: Trouble with a customer or colleague or constantly changing goals because we feel insecure.

Every event and every thought triggers a physical and emotional reaction. This can be appropriate to the situation or, on the contrary, insufficient or even exaggerated. If a stimulus is too strong, it can cause the physical or emotional symptoms that cause the person to suffer.

Emotional self-control does not mean "not having emotions" or "not being oneself," as some people spontaneously state. Learning to handle emotions correctly contributes to the development of our emotional intelligence and helps us to deal better with ourselves and others and to achieve our goals. Through emotional self-control we learn to recognize our motivations and become aware of the interplay and the relationship between emotions, thoughts and behaviour.

Let's take an example. Peter (name changed) is 37 years old and was recently promoted to head of department. After his professional advancement he had developed physical and psychological symptoms. At first glance, this reaction seems paradoxical, because when he learned of his promotion, he was pleased, proud and grateful for the recognition of his work.  

The reason why Peter came under pressure because of the new situation was that he was afraid that his colleagues who were suddenly his subordinates would lose respect for him. At the same time, he was afraid of disappointing his superiors, because they trusted him. Peter had observed that there were clearly disloyal, incorrect behaviors in the team that affected work performance. However, fearing reprisals or negative remarks about him, he was unable to talk to his former colleagues about it. He was afraid that they would call him a bad boss, authoritarian or no longer "the same" because of his new position. His thoughts went round in circles: "You will not respect me", "You will call me a bad boss", "I am not good enough to lead them and be a great boss"... His restlessness increased and his concentration at work decreased greatly.

This negative mental concatenation led Peter to physical symptoms such as palpitations, shortness out of breath and muscle tension. He was in a rage. Wherever possible, he avoided complicated situations and confrontations. He became increasingly dissatisfied and his suffering and constant fear grew steadily. 

Peter learned the following techniques to interrupt his spiral of fear. These exercises were about him learning how to control his impulses and reactions and how to master them again.

1. Physiological Techniques:

Breath control. A large and slow breathing has a positive influence on our nervous system, fights stress and calms us down. There are various exercises with which we work on the rhythm of our breathing that help us to relax.

Muscle relaxation: Many of our thoughts and behaviours trigger a feeling of anxiety and thus tension in our muscles. Muscle relaxation is easy to perform: It consists of a series of muscle exercises with tension-relaxation sequences.

Biofeedback techniques: This technique is based on a system of sensors that make the patient aware of physiological parameters such as blood pulse, body temperature, etc. The affected person learns to connect and understand his psychological sensations with the reactions of his body. With a little practice, the physical processes that negatively influence our lives can be consciously controlled and kept in check.

2. Cognitive technique: 

This technique is based on identifying "irrational and destructive thoughts and replacing them with alternative, rational thoughts. In this way we learn and strengthen realistic and healthy thinking.

A. Automatic negative thinking

"I'm not a good boss.“

B. Identification of distorted perception

Negative label.         

Negative affirmative distortion.

C. Positive rational answer

"I have no reason to believe I'm not cut out to be chief. On the contrary, my superiors think I can do my job well - that's why they offered me the new job."  

"I'm talented and learned my trade from the ground up - so why shouldn't I be a good boss? "I've certainly earned this career move."

​3. Behavioural techniques:

Think about your optimal behavior for different situations and practice it in your mind. 

Define concrete scenarios how you can overcome your fears on your own and then try to turn them into reality.


​They achieve physical and mental well-being. 

You will learn techniques to help you control and overcome your fears, stress and other symptoms now and in the future.

They learn to recognize emotional disorders and stressful behaviors and to clear them out of the way.

​We all have the power for self-control within us - it is our personal "superpower". It helps us to cope with the adversities of life. Learning the techniques can help us improve our quality of life and dramatically improve our satisfaction and performance.

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